Gravity

I had one of the best weekends of my life this past weekend. I was able to spend quality time with some awesome people. I was quickly reminded of how life is supposed to be lived.... I feel like I lost that at some point this past year. I also had an epiphany.. after evaluating my current self I realized how incredibly stupid someone must be to choose to not be apart of my life. I know that sounds incredibly self centered, and it really is. But I finally see how amazing I am, and how stupid someone else is. Sure I've said it to myself hundreds of times before, I've even gone as far as repeating it to others... but I always fell back into his gravity. But now, today, after recognizing how much I've changed both physically and emotionally I know it's true. To pass up the opportunity to be an important person in my life clearly shows your lack of intelligence.

I also realize that no matter how much I change, he will never be what I imagine him to be. It's not ME that needs to change, its not him either. I just cannot make him feel for me the way I always wanted/needed him to. That's ok, because in that realization, I see the beauty in letting go. Live and Let Die. I'm ready to let this "friendship-bullshit" fall apart, so that something wonderful and with purpose can fall together.

I know I claim to recognize this info every time I get frustrated with him, but this weekend after zero communication from my part and his, it clicked. Talking yesterday and today made me realize that there is nothing there, nothing will ever be there.

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

(bits and pieces of Sara Bareilles "Gravity")

"If opportunity doesn't knock... build a door." -Milton Berle