Gravity

I had one of the best weekends of my life this past weekend. I was able to spend quality time with some awesome people. I was quickly reminded of how life is supposed to be lived.... I feel like I lost that at some point this past year. I also had an epiphany.. after evaluating my current self I realized how incredibly stupid someone must be to choose to not be apart of my life. I know that sounds incredibly self centered, and it really is. But I finally see how amazing I am, and how stupid someone else is. Sure I've said it to myself hundreds of times before, I've even gone as far as repeating it to others... but I always fell back into his gravity. But now, today, after recognizing how much I've changed both physically and emotionally I know it's true. To pass up the opportunity to be an important person in my life clearly shows your lack of intelligence.

I also realize that no matter how much I change, he will never be what I imagine him to be. It's not ME that needs to change, its not him either. I just cannot make him feel for me the way I always wanted/needed him to. That's ok, because in that realization, I see the beauty in letting go. Live and Let Die. I'm ready to let this "friendship-bullshit" fall apart, so that something wonderful and with purpose can fall together.

I know I claim to recognize this info every time I get frustrated with him, but this weekend after zero communication from my part and his, it clicked. Talking yesterday and today made me realize that there is nothing there, nothing will ever be there.

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

(bits and pieces of Sara Bareilles "Gravity")

"If opportunity doesn't knock... build a door." -Milton Berle

show me some skin I might bite it

I just want to take you out and get you drunk so I can have my wicked way with you....

I absolutely adore Benjamin Taylor and his new album "The Legend of Kung Folk Part 1 (The Killing Bite)." I stumbled upon it this past weekend and was instantly in HEART with the song "Wicked Way." It's so catchy and unique. It's THAT song that instantly puts a smile on my face and a little pep in my step. I want the entire world to listen to it and just relax. My other absolute favorite from Mr. Taylor is his acoustic cover of Macy Gray's "I Try." This was my original encounter with Mr. Taylor and it was a smash! After some research I came upon a factoid that has consumed my heart and mind... BENJAMIN TAYLOR is the SON of JAMES TAYLOR! Hello!!!!! No wonder I adore this boy so much! JT is like my idol, I cannot get enough of him and his mellow, feel good music. Handyman, oh baby!

"I just want to take you out and get you drunk so I can have my wicked way with you
I’m just being honest cause I know the other guys are thinking just the same way too
And I’m not gonna lie and say that I will take you out to dance there’s just no chance ‘cause I don’t even like the same music you do
I just wanna have my wicked way with you
So don’t you fight it Cause I know you’re gonna like it
Show me some skin I might bite it
I wanna have my wicked with you.
So I’m not gonna come over and meet your mom and dad
They know that I was bad"

p.s. Could you honestly imagine a guy saying this to you? It might be kind of nice to know their intentions up front rather than be another victim of the game.... or maybe we all just like the game? I think my pants would automatically just drop if Benjamin Taylor sang that to me.. quirky hair, goofy smile and all..... yep, I'm THAT girl!

Blind.

The sun has finally started to come out and make regular appearances. I cannot even explain how happy this makes my heart. I am such a sun bunny, it's ridiculous. With the excitement of warm weather approaching, I have mixed feelings of the memories that come with the change of seasons. Maybe it's just because everything is so fresh, or because I'm constantly being raped by my memory. I'm not sure. I'm not even going to go into details about my memory and the beautiful and horrific things it does to me. I'm a Scorpio and by definition we are unable to let things go, add an impeccable memory to that equation, and you have me, a zoo.

My motivation behind this post: Ke$ha - Blind

"I'm sick and tired of the mess you made me
Never gonna catch me cry
You must be blind if you can't see
You'll miss me til the day you die"

In my opinion, it's the perfect "sunny weather" song, I listen to it on blast with my windows down and sunglasses on! Give it a whirl, or don't!

Lesson Learned...

Well the truth it fell so heavy
Like a hammer through the room
That I could choose another over her
You always said I was an actor, baby
Guess in truth you thought me just amateur

That you never saw the signs
That you never lost your grip
Oh, come on now
That's such a childish claim
Now I wear the brand of traitor
Don't it seem a bit absurd
When it's clear I was so obviously framed
When it's clear I was so obviously framed

Now you act so surprised
To hear what you already know
And all you really had to do was ask
I'd have told you straight away
All those lies were truth
And all that was false was fact

Now you hold me close and hard
But I was like a statue at most
Refusing to acknowledge you'd been hurt
Now you're clawing at my throat
And you're crying all is lost
But your tears they felt so hot upon my shirt
But your tears they felt so hot upon my shirt

Well the truth it fell so heavy
Like a hammer through the room
That I could choose another over her
You always said I was an actor, baby
Guess in truth you thought me just amateur

Was it you who told me once
Now looking back it seems surreal
That all our mistakes are merely grist for the mill
So why is it now after I had my fill
Would you steal from me the sorrow that I've earned
Shall we call this a lesson learned?
Shall we call this a lesson learned?


I hate that the most powerful lessons we learn are those that are forced upon us. I just wish things would be easy for once. That a heart could love another without that devastating pain of reality kicking in.

It's the simple things...

"She lifts her skirt up to her knees
Walks through the garden rows
With her bare feet laughing"

Ray LaMontagne - Empty

Bittersweet

I forgot what your voice sounded like. It was extremely difficult to see you come to life on the TV screen this past Saturday. I forgot your facial expressions and the way your mouth moved. It was beautiful to see you smile and laugh, to be alive, human. It's amazing how much time has passed and how with one image, or sound, it's as if you never left. I know you are with me everyday, I constantly feel you. I miss you, I hope you know how much I love you.

p.s. Can you possibly help out "your" team? Maybe put my name closer to the top of the list? If you didn't get to see them win the SuperBowl, maybe you'll help me achieve that?

"A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal

A time to laugh, a time to weep"

Lucky Old Sun

I'm addicted to this song, everything and anything about it makes my heart smile. The lyrics alone don't do the song justice, it's one that has to be heard.

Up in the morning
Out on the job
Work like the devil for my pay
Lucky old sun
Aint got nothing to do
Roll around heaven all day

Fuss with my woman
Toil for my kids
Sweat til I am wrinkled and grey
But that lucky old sun
Aint got nothin to do
Roll around heaven all day

Dear lord above
Can't you see I'm cryin
Tears are in my eyes
Send down a cloud with a silver lining
Take me to paradise

Show me that river
Lead me across
And take all my troubles away
Like the lucky old sun
I'll have nothin to do
Roll around heaven all day

Dear lord above
Can't you see I'm cryin
Tears are in my eyes
Send down a cloud with a silver lining
Take me to paradise

Show me that river
Lead me across
And take all my troubles away
Like the lucky old sun
I'll have nothin to do
Roll around heaven all day

But roll around heaven all day...