mr. collins- - I adore you

For some odd reason, I am obsessed with Phil Collins "Against All Odds." I'm playing it over and over as if it's the first time I've ever heard it. How is it that a classic can come back into our lives and leave us with the feeling that it's brand new?

I get this way with music. Very nostalgic. Memories flood in the minute I hear a song that was once on repeat in my life. I love how a single song can take me back to a specific time in my life. I can almost smell the air on that particular day.

Postal Service - Against All Odds: reminds me of college and my obsession with the movie Wicker Park. I can feel my apartment, I can feel the berber carpet and the freshly stained ikea furniture. I remember the endless hours I spent in my room watching movies like Boondock Saints and Moulin Rouge.

That's all I have for this Friday afternoon. Peace & Love.

show me some skin I might bite it

I just want to take you out and get you drunk so I can have my wicked way with you....

I absolutely adore Benjamin Taylor and his new album "The Legend of Kung Folk Part 1 (The Killing Bite)." I stumbled upon it this past weekend and was instantly in HEART with the song "Wicked Way." It's so catchy and unique. It's THAT song that instantly puts a smile on my face and a little pep in my step. I want the entire world to listen to it and just relax. My other absolute favorite from Mr. Taylor is his acoustic cover of Macy Gray's "I Try." This was my original encounter with Mr. Taylor and it was a smash! After some research I came upon a factoid that has consumed my heart and mind... BENJAMIN TAYLOR is the SON of JAMES TAYLOR! Hello!!!!! No wonder I adore this boy so much! JT is like my idol, I cannot get enough of him and his mellow, feel good music. Handyman, oh baby!

"I just want to take you out and get you drunk so I can have my wicked way with you
I’m just being honest cause I know the other guys are thinking just the same way too
And I’m not gonna lie and say that I will take you out to dance there’s just no chance ‘cause I don’t even like the same music you do
I just wanna have my wicked way with you
So don’t you fight it Cause I know you’re gonna like it
Show me some skin I might bite it
I wanna have my wicked with you.
So I’m not gonna come over and meet your mom and dad
They know that I was bad"

p.s. Could you honestly imagine a guy saying this to you? It might be kind of nice to know their intentions up front rather than be another victim of the game.... or maybe we all just like the game? I think my pants would automatically just drop if Benjamin Taylor sang that to me.. quirky hair, goofy smile and all..... yep, I'm THAT girl!

Blind.

The sun has finally started to come out and make regular appearances. I cannot even explain how happy this makes my heart. I am such a sun bunny, it's ridiculous. With the excitement of warm weather approaching, I have mixed feelings of the memories that come with the change of seasons. Maybe it's just because everything is so fresh, or because I'm constantly being raped by my memory. I'm not sure. I'm not even going to go into details about my memory and the beautiful and horrific things it does to me. I'm a Scorpio and by definition we are unable to let things go, add an impeccable memory to that equation, and you have me, a zoo.

My motivation behind this post: Ke$ha - Blind

"I'm sick and tired of the mess you made me
Never gonna catch me cry
You must be blind if you can't see
You'll miss me til the day you die"

In my opinion, it's the perfect "sunny weather" song, I listen to it on blast with my windows down and sunglasses on! Give it a whirl, or don't!

let me let go

I realize that the only reason why I blog anymore is so that I can reflect on the thoughts and conclusions I reach on a day to day basis. I don't do it for any specific reason other than to remind myself of where I was at on a particular day. Today, this is where my mind is at.

As I sit here at work, busy with excel spreadsheets and "to-do" tasks I realize I have to let go. I say it, I attempt it, and then something happens that leads me to believe that there might be a second wind somewhere on this dead end road. I'm the exact definition of an eternal optimist. My mind is constantly in fear of the "what if" situation. I talk myself out of moving forward, because I think "what if he changes his mind, what if he starts taking interest.." this puts an entire PAUSE on my life. For some odd reason, the possibility of the "what if" situation becoming reality sends my head soaring. I'm not even sure if I want that!

My head and heart are at a constant war, they have been since I was a teenager. My mind unfortunately has ZERO control over what happens in my life. My heart seems to be running the show, and failing miserably at that. When my heart has finally had enough and wants to move forward, this is what happens....

I take one step forward, I look around and I like what I see. I look down at my phone, and its you, texting me. OUT OF NOWHERE. Just like that, I take 5 steps backwards. The sad thing, as I'm taking these steps backwards, I look around, and I still like what I see.

I CANNOT ESCAPE YOU.

Even when I am dead set on the fact that nothing will ever become of this stupid lifeless mess that we've created, one SINGLE move on your end makes my strength disappear. I turn to mush. You've never ONCE led me to believe that you care, and yet I still cannot let go.

I want it to stop. And as much as I want it to stop, I cannot cut you out. Do me a favor and just end it. Fuck someone else, delete my number, ignore me to the point of hurting me. Just LET ME LET GO!

"Let me let go" - Faith Hill

Barbie Doll

This girlchild was born as usual
and presented dolls that did pee-pee
and miniature GE stoves and irons
and wee lipsticks the color of cherry candy.
Then in the magic of puberty, a classmate said:
You have a great big nose and fat legs.

She was healthy, tested intelligent,
possessed strong arms and back,
abundant sexual drive and manual dexterity.
She went to and fro apologizing.
Everyone saw a fat nose on thick legs.

She was advised to play coy,
exhorted to come on hearty,
exercise, diet, smile and wheedle.
Her good nature wore out
like a fan belt.
So she cut off her nose and her legs
and offered them up.

In the casket displayed on satin she lay
with the undertaker's cosmetics painted on,
a turned-up putty nose,
dressed in a pink and white nightie.
Doesn't she look pretty everyone said.
Consummation at last.
To every woman a happy ending.

My first class of my first quarter in college was Women's Literature. I drove from my parent's house every Monday, Wednesday and Friday to attend class at Seattle Pacific University. It was so awkward arriving to a school where I knew no one. I remember how awful parking was and how on my second day I all but had a panic attack trying to find a spot to park. Not knowing a single soul at this school gave me one hundred and ten reasons not to show up... but then one day we were given an assignment. Pick a poem out of our book and dissect it. I chose "Barbie Doll" by Marge Piercy, how fitting I thought. Anything having to do with self image and the pressure of society seemed to be right up my ally. I knocked my paper out of the park, I couldn't say enough about this poem and how it made me feel. From that day on I had a reason to show up to class. I had found something that inspired me. It gave me confidence to reach out to classmates and confidence to walk around campus with the feeling of "THIS IS WHERE I BELONG." To this day, this is a poem that I still remember, still adore, and still relate to.

Impossibly, Possible..

Some things just seem like the impossible. Like there is no way in God's great earth that it can be done. I want to make the impossible, possible. I want to focus all of my attention and hard work towards something that I feel or have felt is impossible.

Here is my list of impossible possibilities:

1. Mend a broken or damaged heart WITHOUT using a new relationship as a band-aide
2. Lose weight in a self esteem boosting way (i.e. no eating disorders, quick fix pills)
3. Date like a man (i.e. have fun, don't take things too seriously, don't become attached)
4. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Forget. Forget. Forget.
5. Make a goal, stick to it, see my goal through and reap its rewards
6. Quit swearing.
7. Replace one BAD habit, with one GOOD habit
8. See the beauty in ugly
9. Stop trying to figure out "the plan" learn to enjoy the ride
10. Remember this list, remember the motivation behind it. Start today.

I wrote a couple of notes.
One in love, one in anger.
They're lying there dying in the dresser drawer.
Lived louder than my voice. Struggled through a stranger.
He loved me until I loved you even more.
It's a bitter sweet victory.
Knowin' someone else wanted me.

Now I can't laugh, can't cry.
And I can't run, can't hide.
You get used to the pain, and numb to the sting
Till you can't feel anything.

You tried to explain, but I couldn't hear it.
As if your words were my tears.
Flowing freely, warm and quiet.
From the edges of my eyes and my ears.

Then all that disappears.

...Learn to be still

This is something I started while watching The Eagles "Hell Freezes Over" concert on DVD. It doesn't have any real significance. I was just inspired to sketch a hand. The eye I started, got frustrated with and stopped. It was nice to pick up a pen and start sketching again. I hope to improve over time.

"Learn to be Still" - Eagles

Scribble, Scribble

I've decided to jump start my creativity skills.
Before I was diagnosed with ADD I spent almost all of my free time
either painting, or drawing, or dissecting lyrics
Now that I take Ritalin on the regular, I have no desire to be creative
I miss having that as an outlet
I miss my poetry
my doodling
painting to music
and lyrics
I don't look at things the same
I wish I had the ability to see the world through youthful
unharmed eyes
I hope to jump start my artistic skills and channel all of my pain
into something beautiful
I need to see the beauty in ugly

My heart is a fool...

"I remember when you filled my heart with joy
Was I blind to the truth, just there to fill the space
Cause now, you have no interest in anything that I have to say
I allowed you to make me feel....
I feel so dumb
What kind of fool am I?
You so easily set me aside..."

I've never felt so foolish in my life as I did this past NYE. I was dumped at a party by a guy I've been casually dating off and on for the past 7 months. I was his date, these were all his friends, I was alone, and embarrassed. The things he said were piercing. I am so pissed off and angry that I let him in. I realize it could have been a lot worse, but this was just shocking. I looked so dumb, I felt so used. It hurt. He's been a friend of mine for 3 years and treated me with such disrespect it left me stunned. I'm not hurt by the fact that he doesn't "like" me, I'm hurt that I lost a friend. Someone I've grown really close with over the past few months. I just feel dumb. Disgusted. 2010 started out with me being dumped.... can I get a do-over?!

Out of everything to remember, I remember only that. My beautiful memory blacked out the rest of the night except the part of him hurting me. My heart, my head, me...... just a fool.

"Fool of Me"- Me'Shell Ndegeocello

Brutal Honesty

All relationships survive with honesty, but is it possible to be too honest? Some comments or statements or topics need some sort of discretion. You can't indulge your every thought and opinion to everyone. In past relationships I've always felt that honesty was key in order to trust someone, but can you ruin a potential relationship by being "too honest?"

The brutal and honest truth is, absolutely.

What I'm trying to say:

Quit being so damn honest, leave something for the imagination. Love will keep us alive, not honesty.

summer.boy

dear summer.boy,

it was fun while it lasted, wasn't it? thank you for keeping me company when I was bored to tears laying by my pool. thank you for allowing me to bbm you late at night to talk about random shit. thank you for being my summer.boy, but now that Winter is here.... you're nonexistent. like a ghost. good memories... we'll always have the summer, after all.

"Hey there summer boy

I’m a busy girl
Don’t have too much time
Hurry up before I change my mind"


.....i changed my mind.

One Hundred and One

"Thank You, Thank You, Thank You

you're far too kind. Hold your applause, this is your song, not mine."

I'm Thankful for:

1. itunes and ipod
2. old friends, new friends, ex-friends, best friends
3. being Italian
4. my family
5. past, preset, and future veterans of the U.S. military
6. being a blond, yet having the ability to dye my hair brunette
7. hoodies and sweaties
8. animals, especially black labs and my crazy cats
9. my freedom
10. lessons i've learned over the last 26 years
11. water and sunshine
12. ritalin, 54 mg
13. this number and the fact that it's always been nothing but lucky for me
14. concerts, live music
15. beer, cheap beer
16. Col. William H. Walker II, and the lessons I was fortunate to learn from him
17. love, whether it's for me or love that I witness and admire in others
18. God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, St. Peter, St. Tony, the whole crew
19. curly hair and straight hair
20. my parents
21. the ability to still appreciate the small things in this world
22. goosebumps over special moments
23. my condo, my car, my materialistic items
24. my aunt dina aka weenie and uncle crusty aka russ
25. my blackberry and the endless hours of entertainment it provides me
26. ray lamontagne, damien rice, jonathan radin, james morrison and their amazingness
27. pizza pie
28. my job, my customers, my office family aka office boys
29. Mia Sutich
30. NOT being 30 and NOT being 20
31. M-O-N-E-Y
32. my awesome memory
33. cousins, even if half of them have NO idea who I am
34. being single in my twenties and finally understanding what it's all about
35. my st. francis medal, st. christopher medal and my diamond cross
36. sleep
37. VOGA wine, wine in general
38. being a washintonian at heart but craving a life in the sun
39. my roots
40. my 2 amazing Grandma's and all that they have taught me
41. Great Grandpa Jaspera Nigro and the life he was able to give my Dad
42. aunt nikki, uncle clark, hippie child and beauy.
43. creativity
44. my height, I love being low to the ground
45. my education and the freedom that came with it
46. movies, especially war/mafia/comedy
47. Lake Chelan
48. the ability to relax
49. history
50. pictures/cameras
51. essie and opi nail polish
52. a good tan
53. a good sense of humor and SARCASM
54. the way I was raised
55. tom petty and the heartbreakers
56. dancing
57. seasons
58. MAUI
59. butterflies, the insect and the feeling
60. a hot shower
61. my bed and my p'lows
62. poetry, lyrics, stories
63. THE GOP
64. knowing my 2 Grandpa's before they passed
65. chapstick aka lippy
66. the language my Sister and I have created
67. my health, my safety
68. boys
69. having A.D.D.
70. hole in the wall pubs/bars/restaurants
71. music from my Dad's generation
72. treadmills, elliptical, gym in general
73. true religion jeans
74. SEAHAWK FOOTBALL
75. confetti cake cupcakes
76. slippers and a fire in the fireplace
77. Chantelle underwear and bras
78. MAC makeup and good perfume, currently DKNY be.delicious
79. GAIN laundry detergent
80. knowing how to cook, and choosing not to
81. FLIP FLOPS and tan toes
82. having blue eyes, only because its now rare
83. role models and mentors
84. "adopted" family
85. swimming, boating
86. uggs
87. forgiveness
88. faith
89. snow
90. my car and the fact that it runs
91. hugs, kisses and cuddles
92. getting a fresh start everyday
93. tropical destinations to daydream about to keep me sane
94. inside jokes
95. my strength as an individual, and my ability to love and care for others
96. the abundance of support I've always had from those around me
97. Serin Compton and her sense of humor and her loyalty as a friend
98. New York and all of it's glory
99. Michelle Cassie Evanson and the history of our friendship
100. the holiday season and Christmas music and lights
101. the ability to recognize how fortunate I am, and thank those around me

It's all Greek to me....

........Literally. Life in general sometimes feels like a foreign language, something I never excelled at in school. I wonder how many other people get confused like I do over life's simplest things. For example... pulling into a residential area, I have to cross a double yellow to turn into my complex, is this breaking the law? What is the point of creating a space for some complex's and then none for others? Do I need to use that space to complete a u-turn? What is the purpose, and why does it confuse me to the point of blogging about it?

Another "Greek" moment is my new gym has an extremely nice locker-room and I've been taking full advantage of it. The showers however are completely F'd, what is the point of semi smoking out the glass in between each stall? If I can see through the wannabe glass, then it isn't doing its job. Why wouldn't you give your members more privacy? I mean the bathrooms have their own glass door that separates them from the locker section. The showers have nothing of this sort. There is ONE bench in the shower section, how is that convenient? Where am I supposed to get undressed? On Tuesday my shower had ZERO water pressure so the water just dribbled down against the wall, I literally had to lean against the wall to wash out the already drying shampoo, imagine that. There are towel hooks at the polar opposite side of the shower section.....really?! How is this supposed to work? Maybe I'm just a prude.... who knows.

yumm'o

All I can smell today is my freshly washed bra, undies and tank top. I washed them last night with my on again- off again favorite detergent Kirkland Signature Brand. Having fresh smelling clothes is like a day trip to heaven. I swear I'm not lying when I say I LOVE doing laundry. It's a chore that I absolutely get pumped about, especially if I know that I have new detergents to play around with. If I'm not head over heels in love with the way my clothes smell, I have zero problem washing them again. This weekend I'm planning on washing up all of the clothes I have laying around + my bedding + my blankets so that my entire condo smells fresh and clean (so fresh and so clean clean :))

Now if I could only fall this head over heels in love with doing the dishes.....

Forever and a day

It's been since March that I updated my blog, that is simply unacceptable. Let me fill you in on what I've done since then.

March:

• Nothing comes to mind

April:

• Again, I have absolutely NO idea what took place in the month of April
• I think I gardened?
• I know! I got a blackberry!!
  

May:

• Maui prepping began early May
• I spent a shit load of $$ on clothes for Maui
• I died my hair dark, to attempt to go "natural" even though I'm "naturally" blond
• Discovered an amazing happy hour at Sazerac in downtown Seattle (attached to Hotel Monaco)
• Fell in love with a Red Robin bartender, have yet to go back and visit
  
• Became addicted to tanning (again)
• Missed my annual Memorial Day in Chelan (first time in 10 years)
• Attended not 1 but 2 Mariners games back to back to make up for the depression caused by said event listed above
• Boarded a jet plane headed to tropical paradise on the 27th

June:

• Drank myself fat in Maui for just shy of 2 weeks
• Got hit on by every man over the age of 40 in Maui
• Re-discovered my love for drunken text messages and drunk facebooking
  
• Decided to move to Maui to begin my life (drinkin and thinkin at its finest)
• Re-connected with old friends via drunk texting
• Became scared shitless of a "foreign" number texting me
• Couldn't sleep and asked for texting reinforcement through my Ma, Sister, waitress (Jess), Khalid (who was on Oahu, also drunk texting) and a friend of our waitress
• Was introduced to Mai-Tai Monday, a Monday I will never participate in again
• Fell in love with 16 oz Bud Lights and Corona with limes
• Ate shit going down the baby slide at my hotel, cut my shins open on the rough sand/rocks at the end of the baby pool, laughed my ass off and thought about doing it again
• Fell into the pool while I was casually trying to slide in all sexy like, realized the jig was up as I went under with my sunglasses on, I then proceeded to swim laps to make it look like I intended to fall in
• Decided my boobs look more like $5 foot longs than actual bubbies
• Made every person around me laugh their ass off as I decided to describe this to my Sister and Ma at a decibel only reached while intoxicated
• Met a 15 year old boy named Kai, he gave me his email, he wants me to notify him when I come to Maui again so he can "give me a tour of the island"
• Got hit on by Steve the divorced man of 3 with a wife in Seattle who plays songs for the drunken tourists at Cheeseburger in Paradise, Scott also raped my shoulder and thanked me for requesting a song
• Got hit on by the bartender at BJ's pizza, was told to come visit him again... real soon, never saw him a again
• Drank myself retarded at the bar at Cheeseburger in Paradise, purchased a plethora of drinks in souvenir cups, instead of regular cups, requested songs from Harry the musician of the night, danced, got hit on by Christopher the bartender originally from N. Carolina who's been living with and dating his gf for 5 years and still hasn't proposed, walked out of the restaurant after the city closed with a bag full of souvenir cups (Tiki men, etched glasses and a pineapple).
• Met Christian, originally from New York, works at Vladimir Kush's art store, talked for hours with Christian, tripped out on Kush's work, learned about "Killer Mango's 2009"
• Fell in love with AnDen, a local band who performs at the Hula Grill every Thursday, bought their CD, listen to it daily
• Jimmy James Jam our "pool/popsicle nice to look at" boy became our best friend, he talked with us everyday, we also called on him to throw people out that bothered us
• Became friends with Julio and Vanessa photographers from Chicago who were honeymooning in Maui. Won them over with my extremely loud I*pod player thingy playing Sublime "Santeria"
• Bought a new toe ring, that makes 7 currently on my toes, I own at least 12
  
• Yelled at a family from Bellingham who's obnoxious boys found it amusing to jump into the pool sending a tidal wave onto me while on my lounge chair sunbathing
• Told another honeymoon couple to STFU because the groom talked so loud to this other honeymooning couple from Nebraska, he laughed, he left shortly after
• Fought a British woman everyday for the same lounge chairs, we've established ourselves are regulars and you don't steal lounge chairs from the "regulars" just like you don't use the handicap stall in the bathroom, foreigners
  
• Did a hungover walk of shame at 6:15 AM to the pool in booty shorts, no bra and a zip up, then passed out on the lounge chair in order to reserve our spots, by the time my Mom and Sister were back from breakfast I was drinking
• Memorized the "drink of the day" and ordered them, daily
  
• Met every waitress and waiter that serves at the Hyatt Regency poolside, most are from the PacNo (Pacific Northwest)
• Created a drink that every lady at the pool ordered (Chocolate smoothie with dark and light rum)
• Saw a man with a curly mullet and speedo get a massage by a Hawaiian, I'm still traumatized
  
• Fell in love with Ka'anapali Sunburns, insulted the waiter at the Marriott's "Longboards" when I asked if they served it, I wasn't aware it's a HYATT ORIGINAL
• Met Tatiana originally from Bellevue (holler) at some boutique in town, she was cool, Sissy bought a ring named after her
  
• Walked the beach and found live crabs and other cool living things
• Took an abundance of drunken photos, most have no purpose
• Created a dance while putting lotion on in the bathroom
  
• Didn't throw up in Maui, I win
• Observed Geckos, Penguins, Swans (both black and white) and Maui frogs, took an abundance of photos of my "special friends"
  
• Watched an elderly man get nailed in the face with a football by an obnoxious wedding party, later watched the wedding
• Drank more in Maui, bought more shit, relaxed and then started to prepare myself for reality......
• Boarded a jet plane headed for PacNo with more cuts and bruises than normal, even though I never fell I managed to cut my legs everyday in the pool... sexy
  
• Flew home from Maui all golden, wonderful and lit
  
• Hung out with Meesh (yo Meeshy!) at Rock Bottom where I drank myself retarded and stole rootbeer bottles (handfuls) 2 glasses and a shot glass, I then told people in the elevator that Meesh and I are mean girls and made Meesh pose by a car
• Went to my first SOUNDERS GAME with Meesh, this is too special to just add to my list. It was heaven, I discovered a new beer, THANKS MEESH!
• Ventured to the Roanoke on "Island" fell in love with a blond boy who I don't really even think is cute, it was that damn new beer
• Had A-M-A-Z-I-N-G Greek food at Panos in Seattle
  
• Katie, Hailey and Darcy came to Seatown, Hailey and Katie are still here, Darcy got drunk and had to fly home after puking in the parking lot all day, poor girl
• Went grocery shopping for the first time in my life and didn't spend $200, I only spent $78
• Became addicted to working out, again, it was destined to happen but it like REALLY happened

That's my life so far, I'm now preparing myself for what the first week in July is going to consist of. It's going to be HUGE since I didn't get to celebrate the 4th last year, I'm already purchasing my goods and mentally preparing myself for an entirely new level of shithouse. xo Ciao!

Flashbulb Fuschia

My essentials for this years spring are a few of OPI's new shades (inspired by LC) pictured here is "Done out in Deco" which I am currently sporting on my toes. I originally bought it with the intent of using it for my fingers but a french manicure felt more appropriate.
<--------


The second shade I plan to use until it runs out is "Flashbulb Fuschia" to me this is a more updated version of "Pompeii Purple" which is an all-time fav. -->




My third spring accessory is a big black floppy beach hat. I bought one at J.Crew last night for $35. <--- It will be perfect for my trip to Maui







To go with my hat and bright nails I will need these ------> Chanel Aviators
(inspired by my Ma!)


I cannot wait for the sun to start shinning so I can sport sunglasses in the morning and at night! What can I say I've been addicted to stunna shades, nail polish and some form of hat since I was a babe ;)
<----- my cousin and I circa 1980-something?

Elevator Love Letter

FINALLY!



I cried...hard... like can't breathe I'm sobbing. I feel like I know them, I cannot wait to see what Shonda Rhimes has in store for us.

Eyes wide shut unopened...

My Friday song of the day is Sara Bareilles - Between the lines
I've loved it for quite some time and regardless of what I have going on in my life this song always seems to apply. I think her entire album "Little voice" is the most remarkable thing ever. If you don't own it.. you're nuts.



If you dig this check out Gravity or City