Friday, January 30, 2009

Anchors Away

I'm beginning my application process for the SYC (Seattle Yacht Club). After much consideration I have decided to apply for membership and become one of "them." So far it has been smooth sailing since my "adopt-a" Grandpa is overly excited about sponsoring me and has already lent me his SYC yearbook to review. The process also requests that I find others that will "second" my sponsorship and this requires me to cold call other members and plead as politely as possible for their recommendation letters. Wish me luck... I sound 12 on the phone. The only thing that poses a problem is the fact that they want people who are 100% interested in boating/yachting/sailing. After I complete the process on paper I have to go in for a formal interview, this is where I'm bound to screw myself royally. Not only am I completely clueless about boats, I'm obvious about it. Case and point, my "adopt-a" Grandpa asks me if I know a thing about boats and my enthusiastic reply involves the words CLUTCH and ENGINE.

At least I'm prepared.

I'm sorry you stepped on my foot

Last weekend I went to Costco, it was a poor choice! Not only was it dangerous for my wallet it was also dangerous for my body. I've recently noticed that I seem to be the ONLY person who uses the word "excuse me" while in a crowded place. I've also noticed how no one even hears me. I used to think people just didn't see me because I'm so close to the ground and no one looks down while they walk. They couldn't help but run into me or slam me into an aisle, I'm short. But I don't think it's the lack of height that causes people to be so rude. I'm slowly beginning to realize that instead of someone saying "excuse me" they simply slam their cart into me until they get where they want to go. Honestly America? When did manners go out the window, and WHY wasn't I informed? Do you know how much easier life would be if I wasn't trying to be so polite to other shoppers? Like if I didn't want to stand in line at Nordstroms I could just launch the closest thing at the person at the front of the line (i.e. a stiletto, purse, 2 year old). Life would be so much more entertaining with 2 year old children being launched into the air.

At Costco on Sunday I was patiently waiting for my turn to venture into the produce section when a person ( I won't be specific) slammed their cart into mine trying to make room to get in the produce section. I was so caught off guard that I did what any polite person would do, I moved my cart closer to the bread row, to give THEM room! I'm not sure why I didn't say some loud mouth remark, probably because it was God's day and I didn't want to be struck down by lightening in a public place (it's less embarrassing if I'm at home). I eventually made it to the produce section and survived the madness of picking out romaine lettuce and the Costco size package of corn on the cob. I let go of the incident and worked my way to the cheese section, things had to be less hectic around dairy, cows don't make us frantic like vegetables do. While checking out the cheeses someone saw a package of brie that must have been a delicacy because instead of saying "excuse me" and waiting for me to move an inch they just reached over my cart sandwiching me in between their flannel shirt and the cheese bin. What was my reaction? "I'm sorry!" why in the world did I apologize for looking at the cheeses? Why Did I feel that this person deserved an apology from me when I was shopping like every other person? I mean.. really? I moved on.

Costco is seriously dangerous. While attempting to find more seasons of The Sopranos on DVD, someone got impatient with the flow of cart traffic so they just decided to go up and over my foot... I was livid! How did they not notice my tan uggs? I couldn't decide if I was more mad about the tread mark on my shoes or the pain coming from my toes that had just become a victim of road kill. Instead of some typical Sutich remark like "are you F!*KING KIDDING ME?" I apologized to the person (again I won't be specific). Of course no one even witnessed this horrendous event and the apology wasn't even acknowledged. This was when it dawned on me that no one says I'm sorry for the right things and no one uses the words excuse me when they need to.

I've decided that in order to "fit in" with those shopping around me I must make changes. I promise to slam my cart into yours as often as possible. I will not wait in line patiently, I will huff and puff and stand as close behind you as possible. I will pretend to not know that everyone standing in front of me are in line and I will walk directly to the front and ignore those that are trying to correct me. If I enter a crowded area I promise I will step on as many of your toes as possible and allow you to apologize for being in my way. I promise to run over your feet as many times as I think necessary. I will steal the parking spot you are waiting to pull into. I promise to drive as close to your bumper as possible and honk anytime you are driving the speed limit in a residential area. I think you get the point. MANNERS = Ciao!

Again.. I'm sorry you stepped on my foot