Monday, June 29, 2009


I forgot what your voice sounded like. It was extremely difficult to see you come to life on the TV screen this past Saturday. I forgot your facial expressions and the way your mouth moved. It was beautiful to see you smile and laugh, to be alive, human. It's amazing how much time has passed and how with one image, or sound, it's as if you never left. I know you are with me everyday, I constantly feel you. I miss you, I hope you know how much I love you.

p.s. Can you possibly help out "your" team? Maybe put my name closer to the top of the list? If you didn't get to see them win the SuperBowl, maybe you'll help me achieve that?

"A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep"

Friday, June 26, 2009

A Midget

This is just too good to not share....

So last night I ventured to my Parents' house for dinner, it was Italian food and I was dying to eat whatever was being served. As we sat around talking about life, my Dad's current obsession with Jada Pinkett Smith and how nice she is, was brought up. My Mom started in about Jada's new show and how small she is and how all of the actors around her must all be 5'5 or under because she never seems that short compared to them. In an attempt to describe her small statue my Mom referred to her as a "midget" with hand motions and all..... she then said,

"you know...... (pointing in my direction) like BITTY!!!!"

at that point my Dad lost it, my Mom turned beet red realizing what she just said and my entire family laughed their asses off. My Dad went even further and began to say that "people of my kind should be put on an island far away, send them through the system, don't let them multiply, the actors in Jada's new show must have been specifically ordered from the midget island." I don't think I've ever seen my Dad and Sister laugh so hard, my Mom get so embarrassed, and me remain completely sober over one comment.

Hope that made your day as much as it made my evening ;)

Forever and a day

It's been since March that I updated my blog, that is simply unacceptable. Let me fill you in on what I've done since then.

  • Nothing comes to mind
  • Again, I have absolutely NO idea what took place in the month of April
  • I think I gardened?
  • I know! I got a blackberry!!
  • Maui prepping began early May
  • I spent a shit load of $$ on clothes for Maui
  • I died my hair dark, to attempt to go "natural" even though I'm "naturally" blond
  • Discovered an amazing happy hour at Sazerac in downtown Seattle (attached to Hotel Monaco)
  • Fell in love with a Red Robin bartender, have yet to go back and visit
  • Became addicted to tanning (again)
  • Missed my annual Memorial Day in Chelan (first time in 10 years)
  • Attended not 1 but 2 Mariners games back to back to make up for the depression caused by said event listed above
  • Boarded a jet plane headed to tropical paradise on the 27th
  • Drank myself fat in Maui for just shy of 2 weeks
  • Got hit on by every man over the age of 40 in Maui
  • Re-discovered my love for drunken text messages and drunk facebooking
  • Decided to move to Maui to begin my life (drinkin and thinkin at its finest)
  • Re-connected with old friends via drunk texting
  • Became scared shitless of a "foreign" number texting me
  • Couldn't sleep and asked for texting reinforcement through my Ma, Sister, waitress (Jess), Khalid (who was on Oahu, also drunk texting) and a friend of our waitress
  • Was introduced to Mai-Tai Monday, a Monday I will never participate in again
  • Fell in love with 16 oz Bud Lights and Corona with limes
  • Ate shit going down the baby slide at my hotel, cut my shins open on the rough sand/rocks at the end of the baby pool, laughed my ass off and thought about doing it again
  • Fell into the pool while I was casually trying to slide in all sexy like, realized the jig was up as I went under with my sunglasses on, I then proceeded to swim laps to make it look like I intended to fall in
  • Decided my boobs look more like $5 foot longs than actual bubbies
  • Made every person around me laugh their ass off as I decided to describe this to my Sister and Ma at a decibel only reached while intoxicated
  • Met a 15 year old boy named Kai, he gave me his email, he wants me to notify him when I come to Maui again so he can "give me a tour of the island"
  • Got hit on by Steve the divorced man of 3 with a wife in Seattle who plays songs for the drunken tourists at Cheeseburger in Paradise, Scott also raped my shoulder and thanked me for requesting a song
  • Got hit on by the bartender at BJ's pizza, was told to come visit him again... real soon, never saw him a again
  • Drank myself retarded at the bar at Cheeseburger in Paradise, purchased a plethora of drinks in souvenir cups, instead of regular cups, requested songs from Harry the musician of the night, danced, got hit on by Christopher the bartender originally from N. Carolina who's been living with and dating his gf for 5 years and still hasn't proposed, walked out of the restaurant after the city closed with a bag full of souvenir cups (Tiki men, etched glasses and a pineapple).
  • Met Christian, originally from New York, works at Vladimir Kush's art store, talked for hours with Christian, tripped out on Kush's work, learned about "Killer Mango's 2009"
  • Fell in love with AnDen, a local band who performs at the Hula Grill every Thursday, bought their CD, listen to it daily
  • Jimmy James Jam our "pool/popsicle nice to look at" boy became our best friend, he talked with us everyday, we also called on him to throw people out that bothered us
  • Became friends with Julio and Vanessa photographers from Chicago who were honeymooning in Maui. Won them over with my extremely loud I*pod player thingy playing Sublime "Santeria"
  • Bought a new toe ring, that makes 7 currently on my toes, I own at least 12
  • Yelled at a family from Bellingham who's obnoxious boys found it amusing to jump into the pool sending a tidal wave onto me while on my lounge chair sunbathing
  • Told another honeymoon couple to STFU because the groom talked so loud to this other honeymooning couple from Nebraska, he laughed, he left shortly after
  • Fought a British woman everyday for the same lounge chairs, we've established ourselves are regulars and you don't steal lounge chairs from the "regulars" just like you don't use the handicap stall in the bathroom, foreigners
  • Did a hungover walk of shame at 6:15 AM to the pool in booty shorts, no bra and a zip up, then passed out on the lounge chair in order to reserve our spots, by the time my Mom and Sister were back from breakfast I was drinking
  • Memorized the "drink of the day" and ordered them, daily
  • Met every waitress and waiter that serves at the Hyatt Regency poolside, most are from the PacNo (Pacific Northwest)
  • Created a drink that every lady at the pool ordered (Chocolate smoothie with dark and light rum)
  • Saw a man with a curly mullet and speedo get a massage by a Hawaiian, I'm still traumatized
  • Fell in love with Ka'anapali Sunburns, insulted the waiter at the Marriott's "Longboards" when I asked if they served it, I wasn't aware it's a HYATT ORIGINAL
  • Met Tatiana originally from Bellevue (holler) at some boutique in town, she was cool, Sissy bought a ring named after her
  • Walked the beach and found live crabs and other cool living things
  • Took an abundance of drunken photos, most have no purpose
  • Created a dance while putting lotion on in the bathroom
  • Didn't throw up in Maui, I win
  • Observed Geckos, Penguins, Swans (both black and white) and Maui frogs, took an abundance of photos of my "special friends"
  • Watched an elderly man get nailed in the face with a football by an obnoxious wedding party, later watched the wedding
  • Drank more in Maui, bought more shit, relaxed and then started to prepare myself for reality......
  • Boarded a jet plane headed for PacNo with more cuts and bruises than normal, even though I never fell I managed to cut my legs everyday in the pool... sexy
  • Flew home from Maui all golden, wonderful and lit
  • Hung out with Meesh (yo Meeshy!) at Rock Bottom where I drank myself retarded and stole rootbeer bottles (handfuls) 2 glasses and a shot glass, I then told people in the elevator that Meesh and I are mean girls and made Meesh pose by a car
  • Went to my first SOUNDERS GAME with Meesh, this is too special to just add to my list. It was heaven, I discovered a new beer, THANKS MEESH!
  • Ventured to the Roanoke on "Island" fell in love with a blond boy who I don't really even think is cute, it was that damn new beer
  • Had A-M-A-Z-I-N-G Greek food at Panos in Seattle
  • Katie, Hailey and Darcy came to Seatown, Hailey and Katie are still here, Darcy got drunk and had to fly home after puking in the parking lot all day, poor girl
  • Went grocery shopping for the first time in my life and didn't spend $200, I only spent $78
  • Became addicted to working out, again, it was destined to happen but it like REALLY happened

That's my life so far, I'm now preparing myself for what the first week in July is going to consist of. It's going to be HUGE since I didn't get to celebrate the 4th last year, I'm already purchasing my goods and mentally preparing myself for an entirely new level of shithouse. xo Ciao!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

What is there to say? I came home darker than I've ever been before (and I've worked at multiple tanning salons). My hair was brunette before I boarded my jet plane and its now a dark blond. I re-connected with some people that I lost touch with over the year. I received multiple texts from a unknown texter, "it" does know my name, my favorite color, how to spell my sisters overly complicated name and that my dad owns a Porsche.... DAVID? Yeah, I'm thinking so. "It" claims that I lost them awhile ago, excuse me sweetie, I never "lose" someone, I intentionally get rid of them.