I wish I could start this whole thing over again
I'm not sayin' it's you,
You could never be true
I just don't wanna know how it ends
You'd still have my heart in the palm of your hands
I'd still look like a fool in front of your freinds
Yeah, I wish somehow I didnt know now what I didn't know then..."
Guess who got her camera back? ME! I was super excited to see all of the pics from NYE (to try to put together what little I remember) and make sense of the entire event/ordeal. Guess what I found out?
1. I was beyond blacked out, every single picture was a complete mystery/revelation
2. I overreacted
3. I'm a psycho bitch
4. I'm not allowed to drink hard A, no exceptions
5. I owe apologies for # 1-4
So last night as I sat in my bed crying my guilty eyes out, I sent the following text message to the person who deserved it the most:
"I don't expect you to respond, care, or even accept my apology. But I owe you this. I'm sorry for getting so upset and for whatever I may have said on NYE. What I thought happened and what actually happened are completely different. I know that now. You didn't deserve it, so I'm sorry."
I knew he wouldn't respond, and why should he? He didn't owe me anything, and its not like I really did either. But the person I became after drinking on NYE is so polar opposite from who I am, anyone who experienced it deserved an apology.
Today while talking with a friend he messaged me.... it was so strange because I was just explaining to her how horrible I felt after realizing how wrong I was. I moved my mouse on my computer to get rid of the screen saver and there was his name in the little orange blinking instant messenger box. I'm not gonna lie, my heart skipped a beat.
It was simple and to the point.
"Thank you for the apology :)"
my response:
":)"
And so it ends. I can guarantee that my heart will be a little easier from now on, tonight I will sleep soundly. I finally feel at ease......
EVEN IF I WAS A COMPLETE HOT MESS!
"Hot Mess" - Cobra Starship
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