So this past Saturday I decided to avoid skin cancer and try out the new and improved "Mystic Tan." I've done the mystic many, many times in the past but it's been awhile. So when I was informed of the new and improved qualities I was sold and had to give it a go. I was also nervous! The old mystic went like this, pick between 2 levels and....
1. Put lotion on hands and feet
2. Put cap on
3. Press green button
4. Turn around after front is sprayed
5. Spray back
6. Get out wipe down go home
The NEW and improved mystic has 4 options, you can either get INSTANT color in two different shades or a clear offered in two shades that won't appear until a few hours later. As if THAT isn't complicated enough the entire machine is different. No more easy push green button, it's now a sensor which you must hold your hand in front of and then wave. The old machine just had a silver section to stand on, the new has 4 sets of feet and they are numbered.... the best part about this entire "new mystic" is that the booth has a voice and she talks to you and tells you what to do.
This is how my experience went down...
After I did a 22 minute super bed (guilty), I came out and waited for my turn in the mystic. Some guy waiting to go into the mystic after me was being extremely impatient and complaining that the person ahead of me was taking too long. So this got me nervous for my session, I didn't want to make him any more agitated. When the girl walked me back there she realized I was completely paranoid about what to do so she let me tan for free to avoid having the timer thing going, super nice move. So I load my nails and hands up with the lotion and apply it to the tops of my toes (please note that I DID NOT apply it to the bottom of my feet, awesome) and I put my cap on, careful to not leave a line on my forehead.
Once all of the "pre-mystic" items were taken care of I opened the door and realized almost immediately that this could get ugly. It was dark, the feet spots were all sorts of confusing, I literally did some sort of Dance Dance Revolution move trying to figure out how to stand and which foot was my right and which was my left. I took a deep breath and held my hand in front of the green button and waved, a happy little wave, and SHE came on and started giving me commands.
"RIGHT FOOT ON ONE, LEFT FOOT ON FOUR."
I was hopping at this point, legs shimming about in all directions trying to get onto the correct number. I'm sure I resembled some sort of naked leprechaun in a blue scrub cap. I was getting really really anxious at this point. Was I supposed to fill these feet spots? Did I need to lean into one or the other? Should I hold my breath?.... all of these thoughts were racing through my mind as the countdown began. It kicked on and did a double spray starting at my feet and worked its way up, almost instantly the voice came back on barking orders for my feet. The entire time I kept mixing up my right with my left and then I'd have to rethink out the order. Having ADD and attempting the mystic is really quite complicated. After my back was sprayed I got a little hesitant, I did NOT want to pull a "Ross" and get quadruple sprayed on one side. Luckily she came back on and told me to exit, it was DONE!
I stepped out, completely forgetting about the bottoms of my feet and I wiped down. The old mystic was just a quick wipe down, nothing to it. The new mystic recommends either wiping down in small circles, or in one swift movement, going in the same direction. These instructions left my mind almost instantly. I rubbed down. I chose the clear concoction which was awesome and hell all at once. With the old mystic you had some sort of color distinction so you knew what to wipe off, but this also meant having brown clothes if you weren't careful. Since I opted for the clear I had no idea what was wiped and what wasn't (again ADD, no bueno).
All in all I only managed to fuck up the bottoms of my feet, one hand is darker than the other, there's a dark spot on one elbow and my toes came out a bit distorted. I think maybe, just maybe I'll attempt the mystic again. I did manage to get talked into purchasing three, so I have THREE more times to get this little 1.. 2.. step, perfected.
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