Dear John letter

What in the world happened to those good old fashioned "Dear John" letters that a fed up, level headed, respected woman would write to her cheating lover. Since when did we as women, give up our self respect and confidence and let our skanky husbands, boyfriends or lovers back into our lives. Sure we all believe they've changed, they won't do it again, it was a one time mistake, and so on and so on and so on. NEWS FLASH LADIES, it wasn't a one time thing, they haven't changed and they WILL do it again. Have we not learned ANYTHING from our past? Did the women before us who fought so hard for our rights not prove to us that we deserve MORE? It's a mans world, we know this with out a doubt, but we don't have to play by their rules. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Guys don't think with their hearts, so why do we? If everything is telling you this is wrong, why are you looking at a muscle in your chest for guidance? What if that muscle could talk, could do more than just pump blood through your body? Do you think it would still be telling you to jump back into the arms of a person who fucked you over so royally?

it wouldn't.

I'm disgusted with the way that relationships are for the women and men in my generation. We're intrigued by the men who talk down to us, the cheaters are the most desired and the sincere and nice guys... well... they're our "best friends." I'm not perfect, I've dated one of the most disrespectful human beings I've ever come across, but the biggest difference between me and the loved ones I'm writing to, I've learned.

She hasn't.

So all I'm saying is, get your head on straight.....

Brutal Honesty

All relationships survive with honesty, but is it possible to be too honest? Some comments or statements or topics need some sort of discretion. You can't indulge your every thought and opinion to everyone. In past relationships I've always felt that honesty was key in order to trust someone, but can you ruin a potential relationship by being "too honest?"

The brutal and honest truth is, absolutely.

What I'm trying to say:

Quit being so damn honest, leave something for the imagination. Love will keep us alive, not honesty.

Always Midnight

"You're right,
I must be crazy.
You're out getting high,
I'm here pretending I'm in love.
The sound of your heart,
my head on your chest,
dropped your hands to your sides
and gave up.
I'd rather be crazy than right-
Tonight"

New Years Eve is on its way. The stress of making plans, having a date, finding an outfit and the realization that another year is coming to an end, is approaching at RECORD SPEED. I always dread holidays/events that require a significant other. Valentines day, Holiday parties, Halloween, Weddings, and New Years Eve are all holidays where dates are encouraged and expected. I dread them, I'm not the girl who ever has a date, or even the ability to say + 1 on an invite. I am me... I am the party. 2010.... be good to me. I don't want to be alone at midnight.....

"A way to get back to you,
A way to get out of here,
I don't want to be alone
At midnight anymore.
How do I get away
Wanna see you in the daylight
I don't wanna be afraid of
Midnight anymore"

favorito

"One night while the whole world was turning
I left you a note
And I told you that I'd always miss you
Then I let you go
I'm living outside of some town I ain't heard of
And I think about the boy I knew
I didn' t know you could fall out of love
I learned that from you

And I learned how to kiss on a Ferris wheel
And I made wishes at wishing wells
And I fell into that fairytale too
And I know that love ain't so easy
But we tried, didn't we baby
It's alright
Some dreams weren't meant to come true
I learned that from you"

"I Learned that from You" - Sara Evans

Tears and Beers

I have no idea what my problem is. I cannot seem to shake this icky feeling I've had for the past week or so. It's Christmas.. I should be out celebrating, shopping, dining with friends and spending quality time with family.

But I have NO DESIRE to do any of those things.

I literally don't even care that it's Christmas, a feeling that is completely foreign to me. I don't want to hear Christmas music, I don't want to shop until I can't possibly shop anymore, and I certainly don't want to wrap presents. He was going to teach me how to wrap presents without using tape this year. That was what we were going to do together. It was his mission, to teach me to wrap a present perfectly. Not knowing that last Christmas would be the last Christmas I would have with him, I randomly put out all of the little things he gave me over the years. They're all over my desk, the little tags he would write on my presents, the rubber ducky he said I had to have, the tigers eye stone he gave to me. None of that was on purpose.

The week he passed away, a client of mine passed away. My client passed away on Monday and when our office got the call I burst into tears. I felt like that call could be about Hank, at any point I could receive that call. Little did I know that I'd receive that text that upcoming Sunday.

I had just sent a text to his wife asking to come visit, a visit I never got to make. I feel so fucking guilty for being so busy this past summer. I feel like I should have made more of an effort. I should have called more.

I didn't realize it would happen so fast, just like I didn't realize Christmas would approach so fast.

Our Christmas party last year was weird. He wasn't his typical jolly self. He sat there quiet listening to everyone ramble on about odds and ends. He wanted something that I could make for Christmas, so he got lemon loaf. I didn't make it, Mikaella did. Am I that self absorbed that I couldn't even take a moment and make him something? Take a moment and call him? Fucking say I love you one last time?

I know I'm better than that. I hate hearing "oh its ok, he knew you loved him, he knew how much you cared, he knew you were busy..." - I was selfish. End of story. I should have been there. I should have gone to the hospital, I SHOULD have called. Now it's too late, and I knew better.

Tonight I'm not sulking, or even feeling sorry for myself. I'm just straight up sad and disappointed. I miss him, I hate sitting in this office and looking out my window and expecting to see that charming grin smiling at me as he passes me every morning. I'm tired of looking the other direction and seeing out the open door his empty office.

I thought I'd have a better grip on things by now. I thought I'd let it go with the funeral, but it seems that the funeral brought it all back up again. It hurts. I feel stupid for even being sad still. I don't even remember being this sad when my blood Grandpa's passed away. Is that sick to admit? They all either passed away in Dec or were buried in Dec. Literally.... why!

Questions I'll never have the answers to. Beers and tears on a Friday night aren't as bad as I expected.

12/15/2009

Time. It's ticking away. You haven't made up your mind, you never will. It will always be like this. Dead stop, while everything else flies by. I expect it, I'm not surprised. I want more, but I want more to be you.

summer.boy

dear summer.boy,

it was fun while it lasted, wasn't it? thank you for keeping me company when I was bored to tears laying by my pool. thank you for allowing me to bbm you late at night to talk about random shit. thank you for being my summer.boy, but now that Winter is here.... you're nonexistent. like a ghost. good memories... we'll always have the summer, after all.

"Hey there summer boy

I’m a busy girl
Don’t have too much time
Hurry up before I change my mind"


.....i changed my mind.

You spin me right round...

I did a spin class this week. I've never felt so exhilarated in my entire life... until reality kicked in and I realized that I am OUT OF SHAPE and tore something in my left leg.

I wish I was kidding. I'm leaving for DC tomorrow morning where I will be WALKING and touring all of America's history and I have a bum leg. Pissed doesn't even begin to describe how upset I am. I've been applying icy hot and taking Excedrin back and muscle extra strength like it's my only job in life. I'm still gimpy and I can barely move... literally.

Hell no will I resort to a wheelchair.. how embarrassing would that be? How do I explain to people that I didn't fall or have surgery or even twist my leg in any normal way.. no in fact I was trying to get in shape and took an exercise class and failed... EPICALLY.

F.M.L

I also almost fell off the bike. I can't even explain that without giving a demonstration and I'm far too lazy to capture that with pictures or a video clip. Just know that it was so VERY typical and awesome.

I'm pretty sure, as soon as I'm healed.. I'll march my fat ass back into that gym and attempt spin again. It just HURTS TOO DAMN GOOD!

One Hundred and One

"Thank You, Thank You, Thank You

you're far too kind. Hold your applause, this is your song, not mine."

I'm Thankful for:

1. itunes and ipod
2. old friends, new friends, ex-friends, best friends
3. being Italian
4. my family
5. past, preset, and future veterans of the U.S. military
6. being a blond, yet having the ability to dye my hair brunette
7. hoodies and sweaties
8. animals, especially black labs and my crazy cats
9. my freedom
10. lessons i've learned over the last 26 years
11. water and sunshine
12. ritalin, 54 mg
13. this number and the fact that it's always been nothing but lucky for me
14. concerts, live music
15. beer, cheap beer
16. Col. William H. Walker II, and the lessons I was fortunate to learn from him
17. love, whether it's for me or love that I witness and admire in others
18. God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, St. Peter, St. Tony, the whole crew
19. curly hair and straight hair
20. my parents
21. the ability to still appreciate the small things in this world
22. goosebumps over special moments
23. my condo, my car, my materialistic items
24. my aunt dina aka weenie and uncle crusty aka russ
25. my blackberry and the endless hours of entertainment it provides me
26. ray lamontagne, damien rice, jonathan radin, james morrison and their amazingness
27. pizza pie
28. my job, my customers, my office family aka office boys
29. Mia Sutich
30. NOT being 30 and NOT being 20
31. M-O-N-E-Y
32. my awesome memory
33. cousins, even if half of them have NO idea who I am
34. being single in my twenties and finally understanding what it's all about
35. my st. francis medal, st. christopher medal and my diamond cross
36. sleep
37. VOGA wine, wine in general
38. being a washintonian at heart but craving a life in the sun
39. my roots
40. my 2 amazing Grandma's and all that they have taught me
41. Great Grandpa Jaspera Nigro and the life he was able to give my Dad
42. aunt nikki, uncle clark, hippie child and beauy.
43. creativity
44. my height, I love being low to the ground
45. my education and the freedom that came with it
46. movies, especially war/mafia/comedy
47. Lake Chelan
48. the ability to relax
49. history
50. pictures/cameras
51. essie and opi nail polish
52. a good tan
53. a good sense of humor and SARCASM
54. the way I was raised
55. tom petty and the heartbreakers
56. dancing
57. seasons
58. MAUI
59. butterflies, the insect and the feeling
60. a hot shower
61. my bed and my p'lows
62. poetry, lyrics, stories
63. THE GOP
64. knowing my 2 Grandpa's before they passed
65. chapstick aka lippy
66. the language my Sister and I have created
67. my health, my safety
68. boys
69. having A.D.D.
70. hole in the wall pubs/bars/restaurants
71. music from my Dad's generation
72. treadmills, elliptical, gym in general
73. true religion jeans
74. SEAHAWK FOOTBALL
75. confetti cake cupcakes
76. slippers and a fire in the fireplace
77. Chantelle underwear and bras
78. MAC makeup and good perfume, currently DKNY be.delicious
79. GAIN laundry detergent
80. knowing how to cook, and choosing not to
81. FLIP FLOPS and tan toes
82. having blue eyes, only because its now rare
83. role models and mentors
84. "adopted" family
85. swimming, boating
86. uggs
87. forgiveness
88. faith
89. snow
90. my car and the fact that it runs
91. hugs, kisses and cuddles
92. getting a fresh start everyday
93. tropical destinations to daydream about to keep me sane
94. inside jokes
95. my strength as an individual, and my ability to love and care for others
96. the abundance of support I've always had from those around me
97. Serin Compton and her sense of humor and her loyalty as a friend
98. New York and all of it's glory
99. Michelle Cassie Evanson and the history of our friendship
100. the holiday season and Christmas music and lights
101. the ability to recognize how fortunate I am, and thank those around me

TwentySix

happened.

What kind of gone are we talking about here?

I've been waiting until I'm really able to put into words how I'm feeling.. and as I wait, I'm beginning to realize that there will never be a "right time" to analyze my feelings. It will always be something that hurts beyond words. Something that literally stops my heart from it's usual rhythm and makes it skip a few beats.

DEATH.

How do I describe what it feels like to lose someone? How can I put into words the anger and hate I have towards something that isn't in my control? I can't. I feel defeated, helpless, hopeless and hurting.

It's been three weeks since Sunday October 11th. The Seahawks won, I took a date to the game, it was sunny, I was happy and then I got a text that he died. He died early in the am, the only warning was a bird flew into his house. An old wives tale says that death to a family member is near when a bird flies into your house. Well... one flew in and I'd like to think, led him to the gates of heaven. I keep waiting for the grieving to take on a different form, it feels like I've been angry for SO LONG. I know there are other steps in letting go, but I just haven't left the anger phase.

This weekend we will celebrate his life. I don't know how to act at a celebration of life. Do I treat it as a funeral? His buriel won't be until the 7th of December... in Arlington, VA. He really was something, wasn't he? What an accomplishment, what an honor, what a peaceful place to be laid to rest.

As the seasons change and the holidays approach I'm finding it even MORE difficult to imagine him not being here. I'll miss his holiday cider at the office Christmas party, his "surprise" birthday party he throws for me every year, his Christmas tie that he wears to the Seattle Yacht Club Christmas gala, him nagging on me and my gift wrapping skills, the stories he has of making his TWO Turkeys for Thanksgiving, his annual Sees candy box, the way he'd stress out over the parking lot and unwanted visitors abusing it, his early AM calls to ask me to kindly put out the McAusland PARKING ONLY signs, the way he'd proudly show off what jewelry he had custom made for the ladies in his life, HIM. Everything about him. That North Carolina twang, and the way he always called me "baby."

I miss him.

Newest Obsession

I want a "Silver" lab. I stumbled upon pics of a silver lab today and I'm obsessed! How unbelievably adorable is she? I love the name Luna. If I get a house, I will most definitely be getting a lab.

Excitement!

My Sissy is ALMOST home!

I'm literally counting down the days like a child counts down the days till Santa arrives (well I'm doing that as well). I cannot believe all that has happened in the 2 1/2 - 3 months that she has been gone. I feel like I'll need to lock myself in a room or car with her for at least a week just to catch up. I am so proud of her for sticking it out and for doing something that SHE wanted to do.

November 16th can not come quick enough! Hey YO Sis!

Lesson Learned...

Well the truth it fell so heavy
Like a hammer through the room
That I could choose another over her
You always said I was an actor, baby
Guess in truth you thought me just amateur

That you never saw the signs
That you never lost your grip
Oh, come on now
That's such a childish claim
Now I wear the brand of traitor
Don't it seem a bit absurd
When it's clear I was so obviously framed
When it's clear I was so obviously framed

Now you act so surprised
To hear what you already know
And all you really had to do was ask
I'd have told you straight away
All those lies were truth
And all that was false was fact

Now you hold me close and hard
But I was like a statue at most
Refusing to acknowledge you'd been hurt
Now you're clawing at my throat
And you're crying all is lost
But your tears they felt so hot upon my shirt
But your tears they felt so hot upon my shirt

Well the truth it fell so heavy
Like a hammer through the room
That I could choose another over her
You always said I was an actor, baby
Guess in truth you thought me just amateur

Was it you who told me once
Now looking back it seems surreal
That all our mistakes are merely grist for the mill
So why is it now after I had my fill
Would you steal from me the sorrow that I've earned
Shall we call this a lesson learned?
Shall we call this a lesson learned?


I hate that the most powerful lessons we learn are those that are forced upon us. I just wish things would be easy for once. That a heart could love another without that devastating pain of reality kicking in.

It's the simple things...

"She lifts her skirt up to her knees
Walks through the garden rows
With her bare feet laughing"

Ray LaMontagne - Empty

Oh yeah.

Life got busy. I forgot to post these. Official Season Ticket Holder blankets.

Goodbye Flips

It's fall. It's so unbelievably fall. I love this season and I hate it all the same. I love the color change, the fresh and crisp air, and football. I hate having to put my flip flops and freckles into storage; I have the hardest time letting go of the things that make me happy. Yes I might be a bit shallow to admit that flip flops (plastic sandals) and tanned skin and freckles make me happy, but it's the truth.

I cringe at the thought of socks, turtlenecks and pale skin. How could that excite me? Everyone's argument for fall always includes pumpkins. PUMPKINS. What the hell am I gonna do with a pumpkin? I'm not allowed to play with knives - and I hate Halloween. (yeah I said it)

To avoid the gasp that I traditionally make towards the end of October when I realize my skin matches the pale tone of my hair; I died it an Auburn/Brown. So far, I have no complaints..... I've also purchased an elaborate tanning package :) skin cancer my ass! I look quite odd waddling in the rain with my jeans rolled up, my plastic flip flops on and a scarf, North face and umbrella in tow. Regardless, I make it work.

The Fall also brings to my attention that I am about to turn 1 year older. Woohoo bring on the late twenties! 26! twenty-fucking-six. Nov. 13th - I can guarantee I'll be tan, wearing flip flops and nowhere near a pumpkin.

The Times They Are A-Changin'

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Every year around my birthday I sit and I ponder what I've accomplished during that year. I never write anything down. I hardly even remember what happened throughout the year so it makes my "review" pretty pointless. Well this year.. 25... I have some shit to remember and reflect on.

25

My birthday was EPIC. I was able to celebrate TWICE. My sister, parents and Grandma all got together with me on my actual birthday and prepared all of my favorite dishes, including my favorite confetti cake cupcakes. It was amazing. I got diamond earrings from my parents and a new camera from Sissy. The next day I arrived at work to find an "e-vite" in my email inbox. It was a surprise dinner with my ENTIRE family at a little Italian restaurant in Seattle. I was so shocked and so excited I could hardly stand it. We went to DeNunzio's where the owner (straight off the boat) served us his favorites and kept the vino flowing. I'm pretty sure it was a night that everyone enjoyed and will remember. After we closed the restaurant down, we headed to the Frontier Room for some late night dancing. Things got wild, sweaty and overall hilarious. I ended up dancing without my shoes, my Dad kept trying to take his shirt off and my Sister, Mom and Uncle got in a fight with the bouncer. Nothing says "HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY" like getting thrown out of a bar. 25 started off with a BANG

I'll blow through the holiday season since nothing extremely out of the ordinary happened.

I guess the most important things took place starting in the Spring and continuing through the Fall. Let me break it down for the sake of my sanity.. and yours. Whoever "you" might be. (In no particular order)

I scored floor seats to the Kenny Chesney concert, saw a band I've loved since Junior High (Montgomery Gentry)
Sutich Sisters went to Maui (kicked Maui's ass)
I spent an abundance of time laying by my pool (more time than in Chelan)
Sissy moved out of Nani and Papa's condo
The condo sold.
Mika almost died when we got back from Maui
I went to 3 Mariners games and 9 Seahawks games + 3 from the '08 season
I became a SEAHAWKS SEASON TICKET HOLDER.. and I have awesome seats *Thanks Pops
I only went to Chelan 4 times, the least amount of time I've ever spent in Chelan since owning a place
Reconnected with long lost friends and/or people I thought I was friends with even though they didn't (cough cough Tucker cough cough)
I joined a gym, and made it my routine
Died my hair dark, twice.
Survived aka surviving Sissy being away from me (she's currently in Italia)
I started dating again.... so far... I haven't ruined anything yet

I contemplated changing my profession MULTIPLE times
I watched fireworks from a boat on Lake Chelan. This was a lifetime first.
Seattle's weather reached all time high's. I survived that.
I caught SWINE FLU, oink oink baby. Missed the vaccine by a month
I went to my first Sounders game with my AMAZING friend Meesh!!!
Meesh FINALLY got engaged on the day before the 4th of July.. a phone call that I will NEVER EVER FORGET!
I got over my fear of needles and now get shots regularly
My hero and someone I loved very very much passed away :( R.I.P. Gpa Hanky
I spent hours at my parents house BBQ-ing and drinking around a bonfire.
I reconnected with my oldest cousin and we get together regularly for dinner.
I found myself, more so than last summer.
I'm happy... on my way to something beautiful.

25, was epic. It will definitely be an age that I will never forget, or be able to repeat.

Let me see you 1.. 2... step!

".....I'm 5'2, I wanna dance with you and I'm sophisticated fun..." Thank you Missy Elliott for creating the best line to describe a shorty (like myself), ever!

So this past Saturday I decided to avoid skin cancer and try out the new and improved "Mystic Tan." I've done the mystic many, many times in the past but it's been awhile. So when I was informed of the new and improved qualities I was sold and had to give it a go. I was also nervous! The old mystic went like this, pick between 2 levels and....

1. Put lotion on hands and feet
2. Put cap on
3. Press green button
4. Turn around after front is sprayed
5. Spray back
6. Get out wipe down go home

The NEW and improved mystic has 4 options, you can either get INSTANT color in two different shades or a clear offered in two shades that won't appear until a few hours later. As if THAT isn't complicated enough the entire machine is different. No more easy push green button, it's now a sensor which you must hold your hand in front of and then wave. The old machine just had a silver section to stand on, the new has 4 sets of feet and they are numbered.... the best part about this entire "new mystic" is that the booth has a voice and she talks to you and tells you what to do.

This is how my experience went down...

After I did a 22 minute super bed (guilty), I came out and waited for my turn in the mystic. Some guy waiting to go into the mystic after me was being extremely impatient and complaining that the person ahead of me was taking too long. So this got me nervous for my session, I didn't want to make him any more agitated. When the girl walked me back there she realized I was completely paranoid about what to do so she let me tan for free to avoid having the timer thing going, super nice move. So I load my nails and hands up with the lotion and apply it to the tops of my toes (please note that I DID NOT apply it to the bottom of my feet, awesome) and I put my cap on, careful to not leave a line on my forehead.

Once all of the "pre-mystic" items were taken care of I opened the door and realized almost immediately that this could get ugly. It was dark, the feet spots were all sorts of confusing, I literally did some sort of Dance Dance Revolution move trying to figure out how to stand and which foot was my right and which was my left. I took a deep breath and held my hand in front of the green button and waved, a happy little wave, and SHE came on and started giving me commands.

"RIGHT FOOT ON ONE, LEFT FOOT ON FOUR."

I was hopping at this point, legs shimming about in all directions trying to get onto the correct number. I'm sure I resembled some sort of naked leprechaun in a blue scrub cap. I was getting really really anxious at this point. Was I supposed to fill these feet spots? Did I need to lean into one or the other? Should I hold my breath?.... all of these thoughts were racing through my mind as the countdown began. It kicked on and did a double spray starting at my feet and worked its way up, almost instantly the voice came back on barking orders for my feet. The entire time I kept mixing up my right with my left and then I'd have to rethink out the order. Having ADD and attempting the mystic is really quite complicated. After my back was sprayed I got a little hesitant, I did NOT want to pull a "Ross" and get quadruple sprayed on one side. Luckily she came back on and told me to exit, it was DONE!

I stepped out, completely forgetting about the bottoms of my feet and I wiped down. The old mystic was just a quick wipe down, nothing to it. The new mystic recommends either wiping down in small circles, or in one swift movement, going in the same direction. These instructions left my mind almost instantly. I rubbed down. I chose the clear concoction which was awesome and hell all at once. With the old mystic you had some sort of color distinction so you knew what to wipe off, but this also meant having brown clothes if you weren't careful. Since I opted for the clear I had no idea what was wiped and what wasn't (again ADD, no bueno).

All in all I only managed to fuck up the bottoms of my feet, one hand is darker than the other, there's a dark spot on one elbow and my toes came out a bit distorted. I think maybe, just maybe I'll attempt the mystic again. I did manage to get talked into purchasing three, so I have THREE more times to get this little 1.. 2.. step, perfected.

Oink Oink Baby

....Well shit, flu season is in full swing. I haven't even put my summer clothes away and I'm already stocked up on sick supplies. What started out as a tickle in my throat has quickly progressed to a full blown sickness. I didn't even get a chance to go out and get the flu shot, how in the world did I catch this? I'm a Purell hand sanitizer Nazi, I take vitamins like they're going out of style and I drink tons of water. Not to mention I've been getting plenty of sleep, working out really hard and pretty much taking really good care of myself.

Is this my body's way of telling me it would rather be lazy? I am so bummed out by this. I hate not feeling well and I hate even more when I can't kick it. I didn't think I was susceptible to catching the H1N1 (oink) because I'm never around sick people. But, thanks to good ole WAZZU visiting Qwest field for a football game, I'm down and out.

I've never felt closer to death in all of my life.......

It's all Greek to me....

........Literally. Life in general sometimes feels like a foreign language, something I never excelled at in school. I wonder how many other people get confused like I do over life's simplest things. For example... pulling into a residential area, I have to cross a double yellow to turn into my complex, is this breaking the law? What is the point of creating a space for some complex's and then none for others? Do I need to use that space to complete a u-turn? What is the purpose, and why does it confuse me to the point of blogging about it?

Another "Greek" moment is my new gym has an extremely nice locker-room and I've been taking full advantage of it. The showers however are completely F'd, what is the point of semi smoking out the glass in between each stall? If I can see through the wannabe glass, then it isn't doing its job. Why wouldn't you give your members more privacy? I mean the bathrooms have their own glass door that separates them from the locker section. The showers have nothing of this sort. There is ONE bench in the shower section, how is that convenient? Where am I supposed to get undressed? On Tuesday my shower had ZERO water pressure so the water just dribbled down against the wall, I literally had to lean against the wall to wash out the already drying shampoo, imagine that. There are towel hooks at the polar opposite side of the shower section.....really?! How is this supposed to work? Maybe I'm just a prude.... who knows.

Lately...

Updating this on what my life consists of right now just doesn't seem appealing. I'm busy with life, nothing too exciting, but completely time consuming.

I'd rather post a video of a song that I'm completely infatuated with at the moment:



Other random bits of info:

• I saw the movie "The Hangover" and I've never laughed so hard in my entire life
• I used my pool this summer more than I have in the last 3 years of living at my Condo
• I perfected a recipe for Jello shots
  
• I was called up for season tickets for the Seahawks, I'll be attending my first pre-season game as a season ticket holder on Sat August 22nd.
• I saw Kenny Chesney for the 2nd time in concert at Qwest field
• I sat 13 rows up at the Mariners game, I was so close to Griffey that I could see his sweat!
• Nani's condo was sold, Mikaella is in the process of moving out, this is something I'm extremely pissed about
• I rescued my cousin from the Bellevue police
  

yumm'o

All I can smell today is my freshly washed bra, undies and tank top. I washed them last night with my on again- off again favorite detergent Kirkland Signature Brand. Having fresh smelling clothes is like a day trip to heaven. I swear I'm not lying when I say I LOVE doing laundry. It's a chore that I absolutely get pumped about, especially if I know that I have new detergents to play around with. If I'm not head over heels in love with the way my clothes smell, I have zero problem washing them again. This weekend I'm planning on washing up all of the clothes I have laying around + my bedding + my blankets so that my entire condo smells fresh and clean (so fresh and so clean clean :))

Now if I could only fall this head over heels in love with doing the dishes.....

Life as a butterfly

If you know me, even in the slightest, you know my obsession with butterflies. I have a butterfly tattoo to represent the challenges and struggles I've endured to become the person I am today. I've associated my life with a butterflies life since I was in the 4th grade.
......It's something that is very important to me.

Well I'm passing my "butterfly" outlook onto my Sister who is about to embark on an adventure all her own. She's fleeing the nest and traveling miles upon miles away from home to experience something completely organic to her. Sure she'll be with her boyfriend for the first month, but after that she will be on her own traveling Greece and Italy. At first I was super bummed about her being so far away from me, but I'm beginning to realize she needs this experience to become her butterfly.

Not everyone experiences what they need to experience in order to become the person they are destined to be in their own backyard. Some travel, some go off to college, some move away and stay close, or move across the country. Regardless, you can't reach your final stage unless you are challenged.

Mikaella will be challenged, she'll have to work through language barriers and home sickness, but in the end I truly believe she will find her butterfly and be forever changed by it (in the best way possible).

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over... it became a butterfly."

Red, White & Drunk

I have no idea what this weekend is going to entail, all I know is I'm going to be drunk, sunburnt and overdosing on red, white and blue decorations. Last year I missed out on my beloved holiday and was forced to celebrate in Italy (tough life, right?). This year I've hit up 3 party stores for the perfect amount of red, white and blue gear and I'm more pumped than humanly possible. I made the best of the best R.O.C.K in the U-S-A i pod mix last night. Hopefully this year I don't:

1. blow out the speakers at the cabin
2. get too drunk to the point of forgetting about my tunes
3. end up in the hospital
or
4. the barge blows up ruining our tunes and fireworks show

I've even perfected my jello shots just for the weekend. One would think that I would even go as far as making these color coordinated but I don't like the blue flavor that much! I cannot, CANNOT wait to decorate the cabin. My goal every year is to make it look like Uncle Sam puked all over it, so far each year the mission has been achieved. This year I'm taking it ONE step further and dressing myself up in as much red, white and blue shit as possible.

Bittersweet

I forgot what your voice sounded like. It was extremely difficult to see you come to life on the TV screen this past Saturday. I forgot your facial expressions and the way your mouth moved. It was beautiful to see you smile and laugh, to be alive, human. It's amazing how much time has passed and how with one image, or sound, it's as if you never left. I know you are with me everyday, I constantly feel you. I miss you, I hope you know how much I love you.

p.s. Can you possibly help out "your" team? Maybe put my name closer to the top of the list? If you didn't get to see them win the SuperBowl, maybe you'll help me achieve that?

"A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal

A time to laugh, a time to weep"

A Midget

This is just too good to not share....

So last night I ventured to my Parents' house for dinner, it was Italian food and I was dying to eat whatever was being served. As we sat around talking about life, my Dad's current obsession with Jada Pinkett Smith and how nice she is, was brought up. My Mom started in about Jada's new show and how small she is and how all of the actors around her must all be 5'5 or under because she never seems that short compared to them. In an attempt to describe her small statue my Mom referred to her as a "midget" with hand motions and all..... she then said,

"you know...... (pointing in my direction) like BITTY!!!!"

at that point my Dad lost it, my Mom turned beet red realizing what she just said and my entire family laughed their asses off. My Dad went even further and began to say that "people of my kind should be put on an island far away, send them through the system, don't let them multiply, the actors in Jada's new show must have been specifically ordered from the midget island." I don't think I've ever seen my Dad and Sister laugh so hard, my Mom get so embarrassed, and me remain completely sober over one comment.

Hope that made your day as much as it made my evening ;)

Forever and a day

It's been since March that I updated my blog, that is simply unacceptable. Let me fill you in on what I've done since then.

March:

• Nothing comes to mind

April:

• Again, I have absolutely NO idea what took place in the month of April
• I think I gardened?
• I know! I got a blackberry!!
  

May:

• Maui prepping began early May
• I spent a shit load of $$ on clothes for Maui
• I died my hair dark, to attempt to go "natural" even though I'm "naturally" blond
• Discovered an amazing happy hour at Sazerac in downtown Seattle (attached to Hotel Monaco)
• Fell in love with a Red Robin bartender, have yet to go back and visit
  
• Became addicted to tanning (again)
• Missed my annual Memorial Day in Chelan (first time in 10 years)
• Attended not 1 but 2 Mariners games back to back to make up for the depression caused by said event listed above
• Boarded a jet plane headed to tropical paradise on the 27th

June:

• Drank myself fat in Maui for just shy of 2 weeks
• Got hit on by every man over the age of 40 in Maui
• Re-discovered my love for drunken text messages and drunk facebooking
  
• Decided to move to Maui to begin my life (drinkin and thinkin at its finest)
• Re-connected with old friends via drunk texting
• Became scared shitless of a "foreign" number texting me
• Couldn't sleep and asked for texting reinforcement through my Ma, Sister, waitress (Jess), Khalid (who was on Oahu, also drunk texting) and a friend of our waitress
• Was introduced to Mai-Tai Monday, a Monday I will never participate in again
• Fell in love with 16 oz Bud Lights and Corona with limes
• Ate shit going down the baby slide at my hotel, cut my shins open on the rough sand/rocks at the end of the baby pool, laughed my ass off and thought about doing it again
• Fell into the pool while I was casually trying to slide in all sexy like, realized the jig was up as I went under with my sunglasses on, I then proceeded to swim laps to make it look like I intended to fall in
• Decided my boobs look more like $5 foot longs than actual bubbies
• Made every person around me laugh their ass off as I decided to describe this to my Sister and Ma at a decibel only reached while intoxicated
• Met a 15 year old boy named Kai, he gave me his email, he wants me to notify him when I come to Maui again so he can "give me a tour of the island"
• Got hit on by Steve the divorced man of 3 with a wife in Seattle who plays songs for the drunken tourists at Cheeseburger in Paradise, Scott also raped my shoulder and thanked me for requesting a song
• Got hit on by the bartender at BJ's pizza, was told to come visit him again... real soon, never saw him a again
• Drank myself retarded at the bar at Cheeseburger in Paradise, purchased a plethora of drinks in souvenir cups, instead of regular cups, requested songs from Harry the musician of the night, danced, got hit on by Christopher the bartender originally from N. Carolina who's been living with and dating his gf for 5 years and still hasn't proposed, walked out of the restaurant after the city closed with a bag full of souvenir cups (Tiki men, etched glasses and a pineapple).
• Met Christian, originally from New York, works at Vladimir Kush's art store, talked for hours with Christian, tripped out on Kush's work, learned about "Killer Mango's 2009"
• Fell in love with AnDen, a local band who performs at the Hula Grill every Thursday, bought their CD, listen to it daily
• Jimmy James Jam our "pool/popsicle nice to look at" boy became our best friend, he talked with us everyday, we also called on him to throw people out that bothered us
• Became friends with Julio and Vanessa photographers from Chicago who were honeymooning in Maui. Won them over with my extremely loud I*pod player thingy playing Sublime "Santeria"
• Bought a new toe ring, that makes 7 currently on my toes, I own at least 12
  
• Yelled at a family from Bellingham who's obnoxious boys found it amusing to jump into the pool sending a tidal wave onto me while on my lounge chair sunbathing
• Told another honeymoon couple to STFU because the groom talked so loud to this other honeymooning couple from Nebraska, he laughed, he left shortly after
• Fought a British woman everyday for the same lounge chairs, we've established ourselves are regulars and you don't steal lounge chairs from the "regulars" just like you don't use the handicap stall in the bathroom, foreigners
  
• Did a hungover walk of shame at 6:15 AM to the pool in booty shorts, no bra and a zip up, then passed out on the lounge chair in order to reserve our spots, by the time my Mom and Sister were back from breakfast I was drinking
• Memorized the "drink of the day" and ordered them, daily
  
• Met every waitress and waiter that serves at the Hyatt Regency poolside, most are from the PacNo (Pacific Northwest)
• Created a drink that every lady at the pool ordered (Chocolate smoothie with dark and light rum)
• Saw a man with a curly mullet and speedo get a massage by a Hawaiian, I'm still traumatized
  
• Fell in love with Ka'anapali Sunburns, insulted the waiter at the Marriott's "Longboards" when I asked if they served it, I wasn't aware it's a HYATT ORIGINAL
• Met Tatiana originally from Bellevue (holler) at some boutique in town, she was cool, Sissy bought a ring named after her
  
• Walked the beach and found live crabs and other cool living things
• Took an abundance of drunken photos, most have no purpose
• Created a dance while putting lotion on in the bathroom
  
• Didn't throw up in Maui, I win
• Observed Geckos, Penguins, Swans (both black and white) and Maui frogs, took an abundance of photos of my "special friends"
  
• Watched an elderly man get nailed in the face with a football by an obnoxious wedding party, later watched the wedding
• Drank more in Maui, bought more shit, relaxed and then started to prepare myself for reality......
• Boarded a jet plane headed for PacNo with more cuts and bruises than normal, even though I never fell I managed to cut my legs everyday in the pool... sexy
  
• Flew home from Maui all golden, wonderful and lit
  
• Hung out with Meesh (yo Meeshy!) at Rock Bottom where I drank myself retarded and stole rootbeer bottles (handfuls) 2 glasses and a shot glass, I then told people in the elevator that Meesh and I are mean girls and made Meesh pose by a car
• Went to my first SOUNDERS GAME with Meesh, this is too special to just add to my list. It was heaven, I discovered a new beer, THANKS MEESH!
• Ventured to the Roanoke on "Island" fell in love with a blond boy who I don't really even think is cute, it was that damn new beer
• Had A-M-A-Z-I-N-G Greek food at Panos in Seattle
  
• Katie, Hailey and Darcy came to Seatown, Hailey and Katie are still here, Darcy got drunk and had to fly home after puking in the parking lot all day, poor girl
• Went grocery shopping for the first time in my life and didn't spend $200, I only spent $78
• Became addicted to working out, again, it was destined to happen but it like REALLY happened

That's my life so far, I'm now preparing myself for what the first week in July is going to consist of. It's going to be HUGE since I didn't get to celebrate the 4th last year, I'm already purchasing my goods and mentally preparing myself for an entirely new level of shithouse. xo Ciao!

Paradise...

What is there to say? I came home darker than I've ever been before (and I've worked at multiple tanning salons). My hair was brunette before I boarded my jet plane and its now a dark blond. I re-connected with some people that I lost touch with over the year. I received multiple texts from a unknown texter, "it" does know my name, my favorite color, how to spell my sisters overly complicated name and that my dad owns a Porsche.... DAVID? Yeah, I'm thinking so. "It" claims that I lost them awhile ago, excuse me sweetie, I never "lose" someone, I intentionally get rid of them.

Flashbulb Fuschia

My essentials for this years spring are a few of OPI's new shades (inspired by LC) pictured here is "Done out in Deco" which I am currently sporting on my toes. I originally bought it with the intent of using it for my fingers but a french manicure felt more appropriate.
<--------


The second shade I plan to use until it runs out is "Flashbulb Fuschia" to me this is a more updated version of "Pompeii Purple" which is an all-time fav. -->




My third spring accessory is a big black floppy beach hat. I bought one at J.Crew last night for $35. <--- It will be perfect for my trip to Maui







To go with my hat and bright nails I will need these ------> Chanel Aviators
(inspired by my Ma!)


I cannot wait for the sun to start shinning so I can sport sunglasses in the morning and at night! What can I say I've been addicted to stunna shades, nail polish and some form of hat since I was a babe ;)
<----- my cousin and I circa 1980-something?

Elevator Love Letter

FINALLY!



I cried...hard... like can't breathe I'm sobbing. I feel like I know them, I cannot wait to see what Shonda Rhimes has in store for us.

Eyes wide shut unopened...

My Friday song of the day is Sara Bareilles - Between the lines
I've loved it for quite some time and regardless of what I have going on in my life this song always seems to apply. I think her entire album "Little voice" is the most remarkable thing ever. If you don't own it.. you're nuts.



If you dig this check out Gravity or City

He has risen... Let's eat candy

I have a problem. I love Easter candy! Something about giving up carbs for Lent has made me become a chocoholic. The fact that Easter candy means m&m's lose their vibrant red, brown, blue, green and yellow (is there orange?) colors and take on pastels makes me want to devour an entire bag. Especially when they put Easter images on them! Here's my most recent victim: Peanut m&m's with lambs, bunnies and DUCKS on them! How can you not eat them? So far this month alone I've consumed this bag, 2 bags of almond m&m's and Easter colored reeses peanut butter eggs. Fat much?

"We're Sissy's"

If you've ever hung out with my family you will learn quickly that my Sister and I refer to ourselves as "Sissy." I rarely hear my full name being used in conversation, it's always "hey Sissy..." "Sissy do you think...?" "Sissy can you...?" "yes Sissy.." (I think you get the picture). Well anyways yesterday my Sissy and I went shopping, because she's moving to Italia in September for a year (le sigh) and needs clothes.

This is usually a terrible combination: Sissy + Sissy + shopping + no budget = J. Crew hates and loves us.

Everytime I would go to ask Sissy a question I would start it by saying her name "Sissy" and everytime she would answer my question she would throw in my name "Sissy." The once smiling cashier at J. Crew was close to tears towards the end of my Sissy's $659 purchase. I shit you not, she purchased $659 worth of the fucking CUTEST clothes (see image above). She snapped a picture of herself on her way to assist my Mom at the NW Women's show this morning.

Everytime we discuss the fact that we refer to ourselves as "Sissy" her simple and satisfying answer is always..."Sissy, were sissy's!"

If you like her look check out these new arrivals at Jcrew.com: cotton ripple ruffle shirt, French terry cardigan, vintage slim jeans (worn wash),

Italy (June 5, 2008)

I found this post on a blog I started at the begining of last year... I love it so much that I want to include it in this one:

"I'm more excited than I thought possible. I'm so excited to experience something completely organic. For once I'll be in a place where I'm not in control, beautiful chaos.

I just purchased a rad camcorder so I can capture every single second of this life changing event. I wish I could bring others with me. I feel guilty for being so spoiled, yet I know I totally deserve this. I'm excited."

Thursday's Vacation

My mind is on vacation.... literally. I cannot concentrate for the life of me. Ritalin is doing NOTHING to help with this. I can't blame it on Seattle's weather either, it's totally bright out today. I need a vacation, somewhere warm and tropical where I have an endless amount of fruity umbrella drinks. The last vacation I went on was a blast and too long ago. I'm spoiled and need a retreat at least once every 3 months or so. My next adventure is to Maui for 12 days, in May. Again, too far away.

I'll settle for a mental vacation for the time being, hit the tanning bed, and make my own pina colada, put on some Bob Marley....

......I'm on vacation

Lucky Old Sun

I'm addicted to this song, everything and anything about it makes my heart smile. The lyrics alone don't do the song justice, it's one that has to be heard.

Up in the morning
Out on the job
Work like the devil for my pay
Lucky old sun
Aint got nothing to do
Roll around heaven all day

Fuss with my woman
Toil for my kids
Sweat til I am wrinkled and grey
But that lucky old sun
Aint got nothin to do
Roll around heaven all day

Dear lord above
Can't you see I'm cryin
Tears are in my eyes
Send down a cloud with a silver lining
Take me to paradise

Show me that river
Lead me across
And take all my troubles away
Like the lucky old sun
I'll have nothin to do
Roll around heaven all day

Dear lord above
Can't you see I'm cryin
Tears are in my eyes
Send down a cloud with a silver lining
Take me to paradise

Show me that river
Lead me across
And take all my troubles away
Like the lucky old sun
I'll have nothin to do
Roll around heaven all day

But roll around heaven all day...

Ipod + grocery shopping

I have a new found love, listening to my ipod while grocery shopping. It's the most calming, exciting and entertaining way to get the job done. The other option is to shop with my Sissy, together we are hell on wheels and there is never a dull moment. Recently I hit up the grocery store on a Friday night at the WORST time ever, 5pm. The store was madness, complete chaos, kids crying, lonely spinsters throwing carts into people, slow walkers, after work hustlers, minimal checkers, you name it. I began to feel very anxious about picking out the right type of apple, a choice that is usually so simple became horrific and overly complicated. So I brilliantly decided to pull out my ipod to avoid the madness. Not only did it drown out the excess noise but it put a little pep into my step and quickly I realized what could have very well been the best decision, EVER. Now I realize many people might find this a bit odd, I mean who freaks out about picking out apples? Well everyone has their moments and I guess mine was at QFC in their produce department.

If you happen to see me grocery shopping, don't be offended if I don't respond to you. I'm in the middle of Rihanna's "Disturbia" and I can't be bothered, text me instead!

Be Curly

Aveda "Be Curly" I would like to personally thank you for joining my product arsenol. Since you have arrived, you have changed my life. I no longer fuss with frizzy lifeless curls. Knowing that I get to shampoo and condition with you every day brings joy to this curly q'd head. I no longer despise using my defuser and having to hang my head upside down every morning. You've made my morning hair routine a dream. Thank you.

Steelers

It's Superbowl Sunday, easily one of my most favorite "holidays" and my team The Pittsburgh Steelers are playing the not so hot Arizona Cardinals. Yes I'm a proud fan of the terrible towel and I am enthusiastically wearing my black and gold today. You might consider me a traitor seeing as how the Steelers beat the Seahawks three years ago in a jaw clenching, ref controlling game, but I'm not. I would be even more excited if the Hawks were here battling someone on this glorious Sunday (other than the Steelers), but that's not the case.

What will I do on Sundays? Attend church? My church is Qwest field, it's where I pray, where I'm forgiven for my sins and where I see "god-like" individuals create miracles.

I miss it already.

Anchors Away

I'm beginning my application process for the SYC (Seattle Yacht Club). After much consideration I have decided to apply for membership and become one of "them." So far it has been smooth sailing since my "adopt-a" Grandpa is overly excited about sponsoring me and has already lent me his SYC yearbook to review. The process also requests that I find others that will "second" my sponsorship and this requires me to cold call other members and plead as politely as possible for their recommendation letters. Wish me luck... I sound 12 on the phone. The only thing that poses a problem is the fact that they want people who are 100% interested in boating/yachting/sailing. After I complete the process on paper I have to go in for a formal interview, this is where I'm bound to screw myself royally. Not only am I completely clueless about boats, I'm obvious about it. Case and point, my "adopt-a" Grandpa asks me if I know a thing about boats and my enthusiastic reply involves the words CLUTCH and ENGINE.

At least I'm prepared.

I'm sorry you stepped on my foot

Last weekend I went to Costco, it was a poor choice! Not only was it dangerous for my wallet it was also dangerous for my body. I've recently noticed that I seem to be the ONLY person who uses the word "excuse me" while in a crowded place. I've also noticed how no one even hears me. I used to think people just didn't see me because I'm so close to the ground and no one looks down while they walk. They couldn't help but run into me or slam me into an aisle, I'm short. But I don't think it's the lack of height that causes people to be so rude. I'm slowly beginning to realize that instead of someone saying "excuse me" they simply slam their cart into me until they get where they want to go. Honestly America? When did manners go out the window, and WHY wasn't I informed? Do you know how much easier life would be if I wasn't trying to be so polite to other shoppers? Like if I didn't want to stand in line at Nordstroms I could just launch the closest thing at the person at the front of the line (i.e. a stiletto, purse, 2 year old). Life would be so much more entertaining with 2 year old children being launched into the air.

At Costco on Sunday I was patiently waiting for my turn to venture into the produce section when a person ( I won't be specific) slammed their cart into mine trying to make room to get in the produce section. I was so caught off guard that I did what any polite person would do, I moved my cart closer to the bread row, to give THEM room! I'm not sure why I didn't say some loud mouth remark, probably because it was God's day and I didn't want to be struck down by lightening in a public place (it's less embarrassing if I'm at home). I eventually made it to the produce section and survived the madness of picking out romaine lettuce and the Costco size package of corn on the cob. I let go of the incident and worked my way to the cheese section, things had to be less hectic around dairy, cows don't make us frantic like vegetables do. While checking out the cheeses someone saw a package of brie that must have been a delicacy because instead of saying "excuse me" and waiting for me to move an inch they just reached over my cart sandwiching me in between their flannel shirt and the cheese bin. What was my reaction? "I'm sorry!" why in the world did I apologize for looking at the cheeses? Why Did I feel that this person deserved an apology from me when I was shopping like every other person? I mean.. really? I moved on.

Costco is seriously dangerous. While attempting to find more seasons of The Sopranos on DVD, someone got impatient with the flow of cart traffic so they just decided to go up and over my foot... I was livid! How did they not notice my tan uggs? I couldn't decide if I was more mad about the tread mark on my shoes or the pain coming from my toes that had just become a victim of road kill. Instead of some typical Sutich remark like "are you F!*KING KIDDING ME?" I apologized to the person (again I won't be specific). Of course no one even witnessed this horrendous event and the apology wasn't even acknowledged. This was when it dawned on me that no one says I'm sorry for the right things and no one uses the words excuse me when they need to.

I've decided that in order to "fit in" with those shopping around me I must make changes. I promise to slam my cart into yours as often as possible. I will not wait in line patiently, I will huff and puff and stand as close behind you as possible. I will pretend to not know that everyone standing in front of me are in line and I will walk directly to the front and ignore those that are trying to correct me. If I enter a crowded area I promise I will step on as many of your toes as possible and allow you to apologize for being in my way. I promise to run over your feet as many times as I think necessary. I will steal the parking spot you are waiting to pull into. I promise to drive as close to your bumper as possible and honk anytime you are driving the speed limit in a residential area. I think you get the point. MANNERS = Ciao!

Again.. I'm sorry you stepped on my foot